DOMESTIC ABUSE is a NATIONAL EMERGENCY affecting victims, including children from all backgrounds irrespective of standing, status, socioeconomic group or gender. The number of domestic abuse crimes recorded by the police in England and Wales in March 2021 increased by 6%, from 798,607 in March 2020 to 845,734. For the same period, the police made an average of 669 child protection referrals every day in response to domestic abuse incidents. We still don’t know how many children in England and Wales are affected by such incidents.
We have created unique resources to support Front Line Practitioners, G.P.’s and Family Law Firms to recognise and SAFELY respond to the many different types of domestic abuse as this is a complex issue, and one size does not fit all.At MAYDAY
We support professionals who work with children, parents and families to reduce parental conflict and improve children’s mental health and emotional wellbeing. We offer specialist support to families who may be struggling to get the right support for their children and we offer one to one support for parents
Children exposed to DESTRUCTIVE PARENTAL CONFLICT experience a decline in their mental health and achieve poorer long-term outcomes. We know that when parents are struggling with their relationships, regardless of their age or ability, children can experience ADVERSE CHILDHOOD EXPERIENCES (ACE’s) and can be affected by these throughout their adult life. Unlike many other resources, our focus is to address the underlying reasons that result in the conflict and not the presenting factors. Our training will enhance the knowledge and skills of anyone who is working with families.
A referral 5 years earlier to children’s services reported domestic violence in the home where there were 4 young children. The mother was under the influence of illegal substances and had hit the father with a bottle in the head causing a cut. The father reported being a victim of domestic violence but later retracted the allegation. There was no further action from Children’s Services.
The children were subject to Child Protection (CP) plans, and within the first 3 months, a member of Mayday’s team was commissioned to provide discreet 1 to 1 support over 6 sessions in which he revealed a volatile 10-year relationship. The father explained his experiences which our worker identified as Gaslighting. She explained he was experiencing cognitive dissonance and how this was impacting on his ability to safeguard himself and his children.View More
As a 45 -year-old father of 3 boys and having called the Police 4 times in the past 7 years I had given up trying to prove my wife was alienating the children and causing the arguments. Thanks to Alison’s advice and support, my Social Worker now realises that I am the victim and not the perpetrator and my wife has been issued with a non-molestation order. Nobody can imagine what it’s like to be accused of putting your children at risk when you are trying to protect them. Alison has this great tool she uses and it’s as if she knew my wife already but had never met her. We never actually met as I live in Middlesbrough but we did most of our sessions through skype and I kept telling her my children are being harmed by their mum. I was shocked that she instantly knew what I was talking about and she even told me some of the things my children would be doing which reassured me I was not losing my mind. I think that although some Police Officers have training in Coercive Control, it’s only the tip of the iceberg. The support I have been given is exceptional and if Social Workers understood this type of abuse children would be much safer.
In 2018 I visited my doctor as I thought I was going mad and was prescribed antidepressants having told him I was having relationship issues. After attempting counselling and wondering why things weren’t changing, I was given Alison’s details and she confirmed I was a victim of Coercive Control. With her support and advice, she guided me through the Court process to safeguard my children and to take back control of my life. I feel it is so very important for professionals to understand how coercive control affects the victims. I personally know someone with a small baby who has been suicidal due to manipulation and gaslighting from her ex and I have been able to advise her and enlisted Alison to support her, she now has her eyes wide open and won’t let him control her thoughts and emotions anymore and her baby daughter is now able to bond with her mum again.
Without Alison’s involvement, Social Care would have placed my children with their father as I would never have been able to convince professionals that he was a risk to the girls. He was very convincing and made the Social Worker think I had mental health problems but due to Alison’s knowledge of Coercive Control, she exposed his behaviour to the Social Worker and helped me to protect my 2 daughters. When I initially spoke to the GP about my concerns, I was horrified they signposted me to Healthy Minds indicating I had mental health problems and I just felt nobody understood what I was going through. If my GP had been trained in this area. I might have got help earlier and not spent so many years going around in circles.
Alison has turned my legal case around and I’m no longer a nervous wreck and my children are now safe. Her knowledge of narcissistic personality disorder and the techniques to manage their behaviour at their worst is life-changing for victims and all professionals need to be trained as these behaviours are placing children at risk. I can now live my life without fear and I am making huge progress due to the support and advice Alison has given me. Her approach and tools would support all professionals to recognise children living in households where narcissism is present.